Memorial Service Tips For Ministers
by: Susan Montello
For the majority of us, as we go through the every day, nitty gritty of our lives, death is an just an abstraction. So, whenever it happens around us, we're likely to be caught off-guard. If you are a officiant, you can't let that occur.
How would you feel if a friend or someone close to you passes and you are requested to perform the service? Would you give up that responsibility, just because you're fearful about having not ever officiated at a funeral before and do not know what words to say? As a reverend, you should be knowledgable in all manner of ceremonies.
A lot of years back, I noticed this and I started developing funeral and memorial services. I contacted mortuaries, where I was made aware, among other things, that there is actually a definite need for officiants to conduct non-denominational services. I made a decision to add performing memorial services and include that with my wedding ceremony ministry, so I began putting together a memorial service for the occasion.
The hardest parts for me had been combating the potential anxiety about my feelings about being near a dead body as well as thinking about what it was I was planning to say at the service. Until the time of my first funeral service, I had not ever as much as been in attendance at a service, let alone seen a corpse. First, let me say that a dead body looks a whole lot like a wax dummy. Not the least bit scary. This quickly becomes apparent the spirit will have departed and whatever remains is merely an empty shell.
As for the words to say, I not long after discovered that there is not much out there written for funeral ceremonies and virtually nothing available for ministers who desire to officiate at them. What pastors need are some sort of script to follow, like are available for weddings. I did eventually find one ceremony written by someone for a traditional religion and 1 from another non-denominational religion. Neither was quite the truth I wanted to share, but the words pointed me in the right direction. I then wrote a few books which include quite a few pages of choices for the different separate parts in the ceremony. Those books are ‘Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage' and its sequel, ‘More Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage.' Both can be bought through the Universal Life Church Seminary store.
I start my services with an opening and a welcome and thank you to the guests for coming. Then, I begin to talk about how come we are gathering – to celebrate the life of someone they have loved. I invite folks to say hello in spirit to the deceased, while I lead the guests in a prayer. I share some about life and death and whatever we have learned from the deceased in his or time time with us. Following that, I start the eulogy. (I created a basic opening few lines to start the eulogy, then I begin filling it in with the information and stories I gather from the grieving before the ceremony.)
I also usually add in some biographical content during the beginning of the eulogy, which will remind everyone that the deceased had been both a member of a family or group and was still, an individual. I usually then share about the importance of telling stories and remembrances about the deceased-stand up and share stories and ask everyone there to stand up and share. It is common to have nobody speak during the service, but at times people will come up if they are invited.
At this part of the ceremony, there's more space for individuality. I get pleasure from singing or leading people in 'Amazing Grace' at funerals. Not everyone is comfortable doing this, but there still is often space to have a musical introduction. Just be sure that the funeral director is aware if a tape or CD is to be played. They generally already do. A candle-lighting ceremony, some scripture, or reading of some selected poems may be put after the song. The closing is usually a prayer and a benediction..
If the body is going to become interred (buried), then I go to the burial site (unless the whole ceremony took place there), and recite some scripture, the Lord's Prayer, as well as the words regarding the interment - (offering the physical remains from whence it came, and so forth.) I don't necessarily perform the ceremony in that order; it just depends on whatever feels right at the time. It's smart to be ready for anything.
by: Susan Montello
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For the majority of us, as we go through the every day, nitty gritty of our lives, death is an just an abstraction. So, whenever it happens around us, we're likely to be caught off-guard. If you are a officiant, you can't let that occur.
How would you feel if a friend or someone close to you passes and you are requested to perform the service? Would you give up that responsibility, just because you're fearful about having not ever officiated at a funeral before and do not know what words to say? As a reverend, you should be knowledgable in all manner of ceremonies.
A lot of years back, I noticed this and I started developing funeral and memorial services. I contacted mortuaries, where I was made aware, among other things, that there is actually a definite need for officiants to conduct non-denominational services. I made a decision to add performing memorial services and include that with my wedding ceremony ministry, so I began putting together a memorial service for the occasion.
The hardest parts for me had been combating the potential anxiety about my feelings about being near a dead body as well as thinking about what it was I was planning to say at the service. Until the time of my first funeral service, I had not ever as much as been in attendance at a service, let alone seen a corpse. First, let me say that a dead body looks a whole lot like a wax dummy. Not the least bit scary. This quickly becomes apparent the spirit will have departed and whatever remains is merely an empty shell.
As for the words to say, I not long after discovered that there is not much out there written for funeral ceremonies and virtually nothing available for ministers who desire to officiate at them. What pastors need are some sort of script to follow, like are available for weddings. I did eventually find one ceremony written by someone for a traditional religion and 1 from another non-denominational religion. Neither was quite the truth I wanted to share, but the words pointed me in the right direction. I then wrote a few books which include quite a few pages of choices for the different separate parts in the ceremony. Those books are ‘Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage' and its sequel, ‘More Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage.' Both can be bought through the Universal Life Church Seminary store.
I start my services with an opening and a welcome and thank you to the guests for coming. Then, I begin to talk about how come we are gathering – to celebrate the life of someone they have loved. I invite folks to say hello in spirit to the deceased, while I lead the guests in a prayer. I share some about life and death and whatever we have learned from the deceased in his or time time with us. Following that, I start the eulogy. (I created a basic opening few lines to start the eulogy, then I begin filling it in with the information and stories I gather from the grieving before the ceremony.)
I also usually add in some biographical content during the beginning of the eulogy, which will remind everyone that the deceased had been both a member of a family or group and was still, an individual. I usually then share about the importance of telling stories and remembrances about the deceased-stand up and share stories and ask everyone there to stand up and share. It is common to have nobody speak during the service, but at times people will come up if they are invited.
At this part of the ceremony, there's more space for individuality. I get pleasure from singing or leading people in 'Amazing Grace' at funerals. Not everyone is comfortable doing this, but there still is often space to have a musical introduction. Just be sure that the funeral director is aware if a tape or CD is to be played. They generally already do. A candle-lighting ceremony, some scripture, or reading of some selected poems may be put after the song. The closing is usually a prayer and a benediction..
If the body is going to become interred (buried), then I go to the burial site (unless the whole ceremony took place there), and recite some scripture, the Lord's Prayer, as well as the words regarding the interment - (offering the physical remains from whence it came, and so forth.) I don't necessarily perform the ceremony in that order; it just depends on whatever feels right at the time. It's smart to be ready for anything.
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